Nervous Breakdown
by StarAlpha
Summary: For the L.A. Resistance all seems lost and Julie can't come to grips with it.


A/N: Longtime V fan, a story about loving your enemies, something brought up by the example of Alexander the Great grieving for the loss of his enemy Darius.

**Nervous Breakdown**

The underground garage didn't feel like one, it wasn't stained or musty, probably due to the fact that it had just been built and never used. The place was littered with construction tools, empty 5 gallon paint buckets, and stacks of wooden planks. Above the garage a luxury multi-story hotel was still under construction, but today there was no work going on due to some labor contract dispute. The entrance to the garage was completely closed off by a gate and also boarded up. The garage was not empty today however; today it was serving another purpose. The last meeting of the Los Angeles resistance was taking place around a beat up folding table that was piled with radio equipment and weapons that were there to be divvied up among the remaining members before they went their separate ways. The atmosphere was heart breakingly tense.

There were chairs set in a circle away from the table and each on was occupied by one of the remaining members. Kyle Bates sat uncomfortably in his, constantly pitching forward or leaning back, twisting his frame around. Now he sat leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped between his legs. His blue shirt was tucked into his jeans and billowed out in a way that made it look too big for him. If anyone should have been physically uncomfortable it should have been Mike Donovan, in his jeans that were perpetually too tight. Today he wore a tweed suit jacket and some worn out tennis shoes. He looked like her was ready to break for the door at any moment and sat perched on the edge of his chair. Ham Tyler was leaned back, one arm resting on the table overstocked with supplies. His gaze was distant, he was barely there. Elizabeth sat primly in her chair, like she had just come from a finishing school, her hands folded neatly on her lap, there was the ghost of some emotion on her face, maybe fear or apprehension, it was hard to tell. Her mother had left only moments ago, once again tossing her daughter to the will of the fates. She was heading to Florida, dropped a few allusions to finding her sisters, and then was gone, disappearing into the glaring California sun. She had never wanted Elizabeth in the first place, and the girl's status as the first hybrid between the two races was too much for her to handle.

Julie was used to caring for Elizabeth; she had since the day the girl was born. She had tired of Robin's self absorption long ago and was not surprised to see her leave. It hurt though, it always hurt. Today she was ready for a fight. She wore her olive green military jacket that came to about mid thigh and her last wearable pair of jeans. She had started this resistance cell, and she was damned if she was going to see it die a quiet death here in this unfinished parking garage. She had been arguing with such intensity for the last two hours that her vocal chords actually hurt and her voice was getting raspy. She was pausing now, hoping for a quick recovery and sipping from a Styrofoam cup of lukewarm coffee. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Elizabeth watching her with concern. She must seem like a mad woman, fighting against the inevitable. The looks in their eyes almost seemed to pity her.

Ham turned his head to survey the group, and then stopped his gaze at Julie. He leaned forward and touched her gently on the knee.

"Here's the crux of it, kid. L.A. is too dominated by lizards. We aren't getting new recruits and we're running out of manpower. Other resistance groups are retreating out of the temperate climate areas and into the cold where the Visitors can't reach them. There's no groups left in California to even merge with. The Visitors have this city nailed down and shut tight and there's just no more room to move. We can't operate effectively here anymore."

Donovan jumped into the conversation. "Look, as soon as I leave here I am headed to New York. We have contacts there, they know us. There's a place for you there."

"No," Julie said, shaking her head. "No, I'm not leaving. This is my home. I'm not being run out."

"You're being unreasonable."

"This has nothing to do with reason! Fighting the Visitors, now that's unreasonable. We're out manned and outgunned but when did that stop us?"

"But maybe it's time," Kyle said, raising his head. "To stop I mean."

No one said anything and an uncomfortable silence settled over them. Julie crossed her arms over her chest and cleared her throat.

"Look, you've obviously made up your mind. I need to get going. I told the New York group they could have our radio equipment." Donovan waited for a response, from anyone, but didn't get one. He hastily loaded the radio equipment into a duffel bag. Elizabeth rose from her chair and gave him a hug. He closed his eyes and squeezed her tight before letting her go. He shook hands with Kyle and Ham. Julie stayed seated but took his hand when he offered it.

"Think about New York, please Julie."

She nodded and gave him the hint of a smile. "Take care of yourself, Donovan."

He hitched his bag up over his shoulder and headed to the access door that led to the street.

She always knew, from the first day she met him, that there would be a time when she saw him walk away, she was just surprised it took so long.

Tyler sat back down in his chair and let out a long sigh. "Now that Gooder is gone I can be honest about our prospects. Personally, I think it's finished. People have found a way to live under the thumb of the Visitors and the next generation won't know anything different. They'll be nothing better than slaves. The Visitors aren't going to destroy us, not when they get use out of us; they just brought us close to death and now have us on life support so we're easier to manage. The resistance everywhere is on its last legs, people would rather stay alive and live under Visitor rule than risk their lives fighting them. The human race has been subjugated, domesticated for Visitor use. Unless something extreme happens I don't see the situation changing, and we don't have another Red Dust up our sleeves. All we can do now is hunker down, and take care of ourselves." He stood up and went over to the table, casting a glance over the supplies.

"Then you're quitting?" Julie asked.

"Nah, not me. But that's just because I don't know any other way to exist. I'm not trying to convince you one way or the other, I'm just telling you how I see things. Mind if I take the explosives?"

"No. Are you headed to New York too?"

"It's the Pacific Northwest for me. Chris is there, he's got a group. It's less populated where he is, easier to give the scaled ones the slip when you need to. You're welcome to come of course. How about these hand grenades?"

"Take 'em."

He slipped the grenades into his coat pockets. He took one last look at the table and nodded to himself. "Okay, that's it then. Julie, take care of yourself."

She got up from her chair and walked over to hug him fiercely.

"Watch out for Elizabeth, don't leave that job up to that dumb kid." He whispered in her ear. He patted her on the back and then pulled away. Before he knew it Elizabeth had ensnared him in an embrace and he smiled a bit.

"Be safe," he said when she let him go. "All of you. If you need to find me, I'll be up north, follow the explosions." He turned and stiffly walked away, not looking back.

Julie slumped back down into her chair, her head in her hands. Elizabeth reached over and rubbed her back. The turmoil roiling through the small blonde was palatable to her, and she knew the women desperately wanted to cry but for some reason the tears wouldn't come. No, tears had been bypassed, and something bigger was breaking apart within her. Elizabeth could almost hear it shattering in the cavernous under ground garage. Julie leaned over more in her chair and then bolted to her feet. She took a few steps and then collapsed against the table. The edges of her vision were beginning to darken and there was a heaviness in her chest. Her feet were slipping now, slipping out from underneath her somehow but someone caught her before she hit the ground. She found herself on her back, looking up at Elizabeth.

"It's over, it's all gone," she whispered.

Elizabeth said nothing but there were tears shining in her eyes.

My God, she wondered. What was happening to her? Was she having a nervous breakdown? A heart attack? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm okay Elizabeth. Help me up."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and leaned up slowly. "I need to…I need to get some air." She stood up slowly, and her legs were a bit wobbly. The humidity made the old wound in her hip flare with pain and she kept her weight off of it.

"Julie, it's not over. I mean…" Kyle stammered to a stop when she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"Please, just…I need air. I need a moment. Just give me a moment." She limped away slowly, her gait unsteady and her vision swimming. She went to the access door and pushed it open. The fresh ocean breeze washed over her and gave her the energy she needed to walk up the few steps and lean against the railing. There was nothing blocking her view of the ocean. The hotel was intended to be a beachfront one, set up on a rise above the beach. She hadn't looked at the ocean in a long time. All these years living in L.A. it began to just blend into the scenery. Now it was like looking at it for the first time, and it lifted her spirits just a bit. The more she gazed at the endless blue the more she began to feel like she was in a trance and thoughts of the conversion chamber suddenly came upon her. Memories of the conversion chamber were fleeting however and out of the corner of her eye she saw Ruby looking at her in that same why she had so long ago.

"I'm sorry this is your burden, Julie," she said. "But you know what has to be done."

Julie closed her eyes and when she opened them again she was gone. She wasn't even startled that she was hallucinating and seeing a dead woman. It didn't surprise her at all. She tucked her hands into her pockets and looked back at the sea. Another figure appeared in her peripheral vision, probably with some more annoying advice to dispense so she ignored it for a moment before shifting her gaze away from the ocean.

She was getting some impressive hallucinations today. The alien commander Diana, the one who converted her in the first place, stood leaning against the corner of the building, quietly watching her. She was not dressed in a Visitor uniform but a dark tailored coat and pants. She looked different to Julie, but she couldn't figure out why.

"I suppose you have something to say to me too," Julie said, turning to face her.

The dark haired woman sighed, put her hands in her pockets, and took a few steps forward.

"Well, spit it out, so the next ghost of Christmas past can make an appearance."

"You can't quit, Julie. It's not in your nature. That's why you're feeling the way you are now, because you're going against your nature. I know this because I've spent some time in that head of yours." Her voice seem subdued, she even glanced to the ground a few times as she spoke.

At least my subconscious is making her tolerable, Julie thought.

"Great, thanks for the observation." She looked back to the ocean and felt tears well in her eyes, blurring her vision. She felt weak again and she leaned heavily against the stairway railing. Was she dying? Was she having a heart attack this very moment and her brain was flashing the last images she was going to see before she died?

At least the view was nice. Diana said something again and she couldn't tell if it was 'Say it.' or 'Save it.' She turned to look at her. She was closer now. She took off a black leather glove and held her hand out.

"Just say it. Just ask me."

This all reminded Julie of a similar scene during her conversion, when she was ready to give in, ready to reach out to Diana who stood in the chamber with her and just surrender. It occurred to her that enemies were so damn intimate in this war. For Elizabeth it was a father, for Robin; a lover, and for her this woman who knew more about what made her tick than even she herself knew.

"We're not in a conversion chamber. What are you offering? To save me?"

"Something like that. Say it, and I'll turn my back on all of it."

What did that mean? What did any of this mean? "I have no one to help me now, and I'm tired," she blurted out.

"I'll help you."

Her feet slid away from her again and she did the only thing she really could do. She reached out for her hand and lost her balance even further when she felt the other hand grasp hers. She fell down to her knees and looked up.

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed. "You're not a hallucination? Wait, can hallucinations be tactile?"

"You need to sit down, you're not well right now."

"You're telling me."

"Come on," she said, pulling her up. "All is not lost."

"I should be getting a gun to shoot you with right now," she said when she got to her feet, and then swayed noticeably.

"Probably," she replied, grabbing her before she could fall. She scooped Julie up easily off of her feet. "Let's just get you off your feet altogether."

God, Julie thought. This is not Diana; this is the angel of death come to take her to the other side. It all seemed logical, the dark clothes, the quiet manner. Why would God play such a cruel joke? To have the angel of death look like her tormenter, her enemy? Maybe it was a lesson, maybe she was supposed to forgive her enemies before she departed. She closed her eyes and looked into her heart. Was there forgiveness there? Could there be? She thought again about the intimacy they all shared as enemies. Could that feeling of hate be changed to love? Both emotions were both so close in many ways, one just the reverse polarity of the other. She knew what kind of a person she was, and she knew she could say it without being dishonest in the least. Once she realized that an enormous sense of relief washed over her, it was like something heavy lifting away from her. It didn't have to be complicated, she could follow her instincts and make the right decision.

When she opened her eyes she saw the long black coat Diana was wearing was similar is style to a priest's with the high buttons and short collar. It was another sign that this was what she was supposed to do.

"I forgive you," she said, looking into her enemies eyes. "I forgive you."

Nothing was said, and then Diana gave her a curt nod.

"Take me down to the beach," Julie said. She wanted it to be her last experience of the world before she left it. "It's just a few feet from here."

"I don't think I could miss it." Diana hefted her up and carried her to the beach.

Once they were there she closed her eyes and listened to the waves. She was lying on the beach now, and the sand felt good beneath her. She unbuttoned her jacket and let her hands fall to her sides. There was stillness in her, and she felt immensely better. Now she waited for the darkness to consume her.

……

……

……

……

And waited.

…..

And waited some more.

…..

A particularly large wave crashed on the beach and the water had enough velocity to reach where she was lying and submerge her completely. She sat up, coughing and sputtering, trying to get her bearings. She wiped the water away from her face and looked down to see the wave retreating. She was completely soaked.

"What the hell!" she yelled, looking around her and getting to her feet.

"You weren't dying; you were having some sort of panic attack. I had to snap you out of it."

She turned around and saw Diana standing a few feet away from her, her arms crossed over her chest.

"So you stuck me where the water would hit me! How the hell…WHAT the hell are you doing here? How did you find me? How did you know about the dying?"

She tapped the side of her head. "I can tune into your frequency if I need to. Conversion side effect. I went too far in trying to convert you and I ended up getting myself tied into it as well."

"When you stepped into the chamber."

"Right."

"What did you mean back there when you said you'd turn your back on it?"

"If you want my help you'll have it. I'll turn. I'll turn on them in a second if you give the word." She clasped her hands behind her back and turned to look over her shoulder towards the mothership that hovered over L.A.

"Why?"

"Because I realized something when you began to go through your crisis of faith, which started long before today. I didn't want you to go. I didn't like the idea of an L.A. without Juliet Parrish. Sounds ridiculous I'm sure, but if I had to choose between them or you I'd chose you." She turned to face her. "Every time."

"You said all is not lost. Do you really think we can beat them?"

"I know we can."

"Why?"

"Because you have me on your side," she said.

Julie sighed. "Well, it's good to know you haven't had a complete personality change."

"I know this must be strange."

"That's putting it mildly. I've got nothing else to lose now so…ok. Okay." She straightened her stance and held her hand out. "I accept your offer."

They shook hands and there by the ocean there was a sea change.


End file.
